I want to start this review by apologizing to “Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys”. It is not the worst movie I have ever seen.
If “Blood Lake” was “The Phantom Menace” when compared to the entire history of movies, “See No Evil” would be the “Star Wars Christmas Special: Director’s Cut”
This movie is God awful; a monstrosity; an ugly mark on the record of all that is good and holy in this world. I can’t find a single redeemable thing about this movie.
The premise sounds great, if generic; “Delinquent teens must fix up an old abandoned hotel for a reduced sentence but end up being stalked by a hulking killer”.
The gaps in the story are big enough for Kane to stride through easily (Oh yeah, it’s made by the WWE, stellar work there). Cop shoots killer, killer disappears, is found years later alive. The delinquents survive, but the movie just ends. You KNOW they are going back to jail, but no, it just ends with a dog pissing on a dead body.
None of the characters are worth liking. Not even the cop who survives the first attack from the killer. Even the dogs, who are just being animals, you find yourself saying “You’re better than this movie. Why did you choose this role, are you that desperate for money?”
The girl whose name doesn’t even matter who was pimped out by her boyfriend and beaten isn’t even worth any sympathy. She’s just as one-dimensional as everyone else, and it’s a bore.
Not even the ONE SINGLE PERSON who has any redeemable quality when you find out his tragic backstory. Wanting to see them brutally murdered is a waste, because the death scenes had to have filmed by amateurs. Everyone is screaming out of fear, even when there’s a GODDAMNED HOOK IN THEIR LEG, their screams equate to “Ahhh, help, scary man has got me!” and not “HOLY SHIT, THERE’S A FREAKING HOOK IN MY LEG! THE PAIN, AHHHHH!”
If you think that you can predict the next minute of the movie throughout its entire 85 minutes; you’re right. There is NOTHING special about this movie, and I want those 85 minutes back. Scratch that, I deserve a full 120 minutes back for sitting through this.
And can you believe that I rented it because they’re making a sequel?
Doctor Nickk Prescribes: Here are some hallucinogens, and maybe you can imagine yourself in a world where this movie doesn’t exist. And take me the Hell with you.
F*ck this movie. F*ck it to Hell and let Satan praise it’s return as his Prodigal Son. And let it sit upon the throne and rule Hell where it rightfully belongs.
I can’t wait for the sequel.