1. See No Evil (2006)

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    I want to start this review by apologizing to “Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys”. It is not the worst movie I have ever seen.

    If “Blood Lake” was “The Phantom Menace” when compared to the entire history of movies, “See No Evil” would be the “Star Wars Christmas Special: Director’s Cut”

    This movie is God awful; a monstrosity; an ugly mark on the record of all that is good and holy in this world. I can’t find a single redeemable thing about this movie.

    The premise sounds great, if generic; “Delinquent teens must fix up an old abandoned hotel for a reduced sentence but end up being stalked by a hulking killer”.

    The gaps in the story are big enough for Kane to stride through easily (Oh yeah, it’s made by the WWE, stellar work there). Cop shoots killer, killer disappears, is found years later alive. The delinquents survive, but the movie just ends. You KNOW they are going back to jail, but no, it just ends with a dog pissing on a dead body.

    None of the characters are worth liking. Not even the cop who survives the first attack from the killer. Even the dogs, who are just being animals, you find yourself saying “You’re better than this movie. Why did you choose this role, are you that desperate for money?”

    The girl whose name doesn’t even matter who was pimped out by her boyfriend and beaten isn’t even worth any sympathy. She’s just as one-dimensional as everyone else, and it’s a bore.

    Not even the ONE SINGLE PERSON who has any redeemable quality when you find out his tragic backstory. Wanting to see them brutally murdered is a waste, because the death scenes had to have filmed by amateurs. Everyone is screaming out of fear, even when there’s a GODDAMNED HOOK IN THEIR LEG, their screams equate to “Ahhh, help, scary man has got me!” and not “HOLY SHIT, THERE’S A FREAKING HOOK IN MY LEG! THE PAIN, AHHHHH!”

    If you think that you can predict the next minute of the movie throughout its entire 85 minutes; you’re right. There is NOTHING special about this movie, and I want those 85 minutes back. Scratch that, I deserve a full 120 minutes back for sitting through this.

    And can you believe that I rented it because they’re making a sequel?

    Doctor Nickk Prescribes: Here are some hallucinogens, and maybe you can imagine yourself in a world where this movie doesn’t exist. And take me the Hell with you.

    F*ck this movie. F*ck it to Hell and let Satan praise it’s return as his Prodigal Son. And let it sit upon the throne and rule Hell where it rightfully belongs.

    I can’t wait for the sequel.

     

  2. Tamara (2005)

    A sexy crossover of “Carrie” (The good one) and “I Know What You Did Last Summer”. Sounds like a hit!

    Tamara is a witchcraft-practicing outcast who SEEMS to be poor since her dad owns a VCR repair shop (In 2005), but seemingly has money for some revealing clothing when she needs it.

    Students are mean to her because high schoolers are dicks (“Not all high schoolers”), and they end up killing her in a prank gone wrong. However, her interest in witchcraft saves her and… turns her into a sultry, conniving she-devil who can make people her slaves (Ooh, some Batman “Posion Ivy” thrown in there).

    From that point on, it’s a scene by scene “Let’s shock the audience” involving loads of blood, with some vomiting tossed in (Just like cookies) which makes it a little hard to watch.

    I couldn’t watch when there was eye-stuff. I hate eye-stuff.

    Not terrible quality, but it doesn’t really bring anything new that I haven’t seen before. Mostly some “How did the writer(s) think up this crazy stuff she’s making them do?”

    Doctor Nickk prescribes: Watch it at your own risk. Less gratuitous violence and mayhem than “Scar”, and with more of a purpose/story. I would think that if you like seeing high schoolers get what’s coming to them then this might be for you.

     

  3. Blood Lake (2014)

    I should have known this was a low-quality “film” when

    1. I saw that it was made by The Asylum, creators of such unforgettable classics like “Transmorphers”, “The Da Vinci Treasure”, “Atlantic Rim” and “Almighty Thor”. They also made “#1 Cheerleader Camp” which is surprisingly excellent.
    2. It seemed to be set in Michigan, but contained some sort of desert sets, and the actors dressed like it was Beverly Hills.
    3. It premiered on Animal Planet.
    4. "Starring Shannon Doherty"

    Is the movie sounds unfamiliar to you, that would not surprise me, but if you’re a regular viewer of “The Soup” you might know it as “The movie where Christopher Lloyd dies on the toilet and the creatures of the week crawl up his butt.

    Lampreys, which are eel/leech hybrids, spontaneously grow into anywhere from large worm sized to giant gummy worm sized. They start to feed on human instead of fish, and get into every single waterway imaginable. Hoses, faucets, toilets (see above), even drinking fountains. Beyond that, it’s the standard “Attack, attack, death, death, ‘Hey we can kill them all at once by…’.”

    No one gives a particularly memorable performance, though I LOVED seeing Christopher Lloyd again, even if he did play the Walter Peck of this movie.

    Doctor Nickk prescribes: Avoid it. Even if you love bad movies like me, I can’t even recommend this to anyone.

    If you choose to go through with this procedure; Just deal with the pain, maybe I’ll prescribe some alcohol.

     

  4. Dark Space (2013)

    A couple of friends go on an intergalactic vacation and wind up on a restricted planet, when they realize that they are not alone.

    It sounds cheesy and predictable, but it’s not the slaughter that you think.

    It by NO means exceeds in any sense, but it also does not fail in any sense either. The acting is subpar, but not horrific. The story is, as I said, nothing special, but it’s not victims being led to their doom one step at a time. And the CG involved is clearly low-budget, but they seemed to spend a good amount of time in designing the space ships and the monster. It is not the Syfy quality I was expecting.

    The writing is the only real downside. The characters are kind of flat and not really likeable, but you don’t WANT them to die, as opposed to, say “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” remake or “The Walking Dead” (Love the show but the characters are maddeningly annoying). And as they are all partiers, the dialogue in the first 20 minutes tells you all you need to know about them.

    In a nutshell:
    "I have crazy hair and give off a small lesbian vibe"

    "If you really want her, go get her"

    followed by

    "Hey, what we had was a one-time thing, yeah?"
    "Yeah, no, I’m totally over you. *Awkward silence*"

    "I’m so going to get laid"
    "Betcha he won’t get laid"
    "You’re on!"

    And of course there’s an ending that reveals that the monsters aren’t the true monsters after all. All in all, it’s watchable.

    And in a strange twist of events, the aliens are shown not long after they arrive. Like, they’re fully shown, not glimpses and peeks. The movie isn’t TRYING to scare you with the poorly-designed monsters, they made something great that isn’t horrifying, and they want to show you. And for a “horror” movie that takes place a lot at night, you can actually see things, not peering into darkness 90% of the time.

    Doctor Nickk prescribes: If you want some Syfy-quality movie that doesn’t involve the splicing of two animals/insects/mythological creatures, then try “Dark Space”!

     
  5. somecrazybiatch:

    dario-argento:

    dario-argento’s horror movie masterpost!

    a list of 150+ movies to get you in the halloween spirit! movies are in alphabetical order. click on the title of the movie to watch it, click on the year to see the IMDb page for it. if any links are broken please let me know so i can fix them asap. if you have questions about any of the movies / links feel free to send me an ask. happy watching!
    **also i highly recommend you use an adblock software while on these sites**

    A - B: 

    Alice, Sweet Alice (1976) // Alien (1979) // Altered States (1980) // Amer (2009) // American Mary (2012) // The Amityville Horror (1979) // An American Werewolf In London (1981) // Anguish (1987) // The Antichrist (1974) // April Fool’s Day (1986) // At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul (1964) // Audition (1999) // Baby Blood (1990) // The Bad Seed (1956) // Bad Taste (1987) // Basket Case (1982) // The Battery (2012) // Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon (2006) // The Beyond (1981) // Beyond The Darkness (1979) // The Bird With The Crystal Plumage (1970) // Black Christmas (1974) // The Black Sleep (1956) // Black Sunday (1960) // A Blade In The Dark (1983) // The Blob (1958) // Blood Feast (1963) // Blood For Dracula (1974) // Blood Freak (1972) // Blood Rage (1987) // The Blood Spattered Bride (1972) // Bloody Moon (1981) // Body Bags (1993) // The Boogey Man (1980) // The Brain Eaters (1958) // The Bride Of Frankenstein (1935) // The Brides Of Dracula (1960) // The Brood (1979) // A Bucket Of Blood (1959) // The Burning (1981) // Burnt Offerings (1976)

    C - D:

    California Axe Massacre (1974) // Cannibal Ferox (1981) // Cannibal Holocaust (1980) // Carrie (1976) // Castle Of Blood (1964) // The Cat And The Canary (1927) // The Cat O’ Nine Tails (1971) // Cat People (1942) // Cat People (1982) // Cemetery Man (1994) // The Changeling (1980) // Children Shouldn’t Play WIth Dead Things (1973) // Chopping Mall (1986) // The City Of The Dead (1960) // City Of The Living Dead (1980) // The Comeback (1978) // The Conjuring (2013) // The Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954) // Cronos (1993) // The Curse Of The Werewolf (1961) // Curtains (1983) // The Damned (1963) // Dawn Of The Dead (1978) // Day Of The Dead (1985) // Dead Alive (1992) // Dead And Buried (1981) // Dead Of Night (1945) // Dead Ringers (1988) // Deadly Blessing (1981) // Death Proof (2007) // Death Valley (1982) // Deep Red (1975) // Demons (1985) // Deranged (1974) // The Descent (2005) // The Devil’s Rejects (2005) // Diabolique (1955) // Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark (1973) // Don’t Go In The House (1979) // Don’t Go In The Woods (1981) // Don’t Look In The Basement (1973) // Don’t Panic (1988) // Don’t Torture A Duckling (1972) // Dracula (1931) // Drag Me To Hell (2009) // The Driller Killer (1979)

    E - H: 

    Eden Lake (2008) // The Entity (1982) // Eraserhead (1977) // The Evil Dead (1981) // Evil Dead 2 (1987) // Evil Dead Trap (1988) // Evil Ed (1995) // Excision (2012) // The Exorcist (1973) // Eyes Without A Face (1960) // The Faculty (1998) // Fiend Without A Face (1958) // Flesh For Frankenstein (1973) // The Fly (1958) // The Fly (1986) // The Fog (1980) // Frankenhooker (1990) // Frankenstein (1931) // Friday The 13th (1980) // Fright Night (1985) // From Beyond (1986) // From Dusk Till Dawn (1995) // Frontier(s) (2007) // Funny Games (1997) // Ginger Snaps (2000) // The Gore Gore Girls (1972) // Gozu (2003) // Grotesque (1988) // Guinea Pig: Devil’s Experiment (1985) // Halloween (1978) // Happy Birthday To Me (1981) // Hatchet (2006) // The Haunting (1963) // Hausu (1977) // He Knows You’re Alone (1980) // Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer (1986) // High Tension (2003) // Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988) // Horror Express (1972) // Horror Of Dracula (1958) // The Host (2006) // Hostel (2005) // Hostel: Part 2 (2007) // Hour Of The Wolf (1968) // The House By The Cemetery (1981) // The House Of The Devil (2009)  // House On Haunted Hill (1959) // The House On Sorority Row (1983) // House On The Edge Of The Park (1980) // The House That Dripped Blood (1971)

    I - N: 

    I Drink Your Blood  (1970) // I Saw The Devil  (2010) // I Spit On Your Grave  (1978) // Ichi The Killer  (2001) // In The Mouth Of Madness  (1994) // The Innocents  (1961) // Innocent Blood (1992) // Inside  (2007) // Intruder  (1989) // Invasion Of The Body Snatchers  (1978) // The Invisible Man  (1933) // Jaws (1975) // Jennifer’s Body  (2009) // Just Before Dawn  (1981) // Killer Party (1986) // King Kong (1933) // Kiss Of The Damned (2012) // Kuroneko (1968) // Kwaidan (1964) // The Lair Of The White Worm (1988) // The Last House On Dead End Street (1977) // The Last House On The Left (1972) // Let The Right One In (2008) // Let’s Scare Jessica To Death (1971) // Lisa And The Devil (1973) // The Living Dead At Manchester Morgue (1974) // The Living Skeleton (1968) // The Loved Ones (2009) // Macabre (1980) // Maniac (1980) // Manos: The Hands Of Fate (1966) // Mardi Gras Massacre (1978) // Martyrs (2008) // May (2002) // The Midnight Hour (1985) // Motel Hell (1980) // Mother’s Day (1980) // The Mummy (1932) // The Mutilator (1985) // My Bloody Valentine (1981) // Necronomicon (1993) // The New York Ripper (1982) // The Night Evelyn Came Out Of The Grave (1971) // Night Of The Creeps (1986) // Night Of The Demon (1957) // Night Of The Demons (1988) // Night Of The Living Dead (1968) // A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) // Night School (1981) // Nightmare City (1980) // Noroi (2005) // Nosferatu (1922) // Nosferatu The Vampyre (1979)

    O - S:

    Onibaba (1964) // Opera (1987) // The Others (2001) // Peeping Tom (1960) // Pet Sematary (1989) // Phantasm (1979) // Pieces (1982) // Piranha (1978) // The Pit And The Pendulum (1961) // Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) // Planet Terror (2007) // Popcorn (1991) // Possession (1981) // Prom Night (1980) // The Prowler (1981) // Psycho (1960) // Re-Animator (1985) // Repulsion (1965) // The Return Of The Living Dead (1985) // Ringu (1998) // The Sacrament (2013) // Salem’s Lot (1979) // Santa Sangre (1989) // Scanners (1981) // Scream (1996) // Scream And Scream Again (1970) // The Sentinel (1977) // The Shining (1980) // Shivers (1975) // Shock (1977) // Sisters (1973) // The Skin I Live In (2011) // Sleepaway Camp (1983) // Slither (2006) // The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) // Society (1989) // Spider Baby (1968) // Splatter University (1984) // Splinter (2008) // Street Trash (1987) // Strip Nude For Your Killer (1975) // Student Bodies (1981) // The Stuff (1985) // Succubus (1968) // The Suckling (1990) // Suspiria (1977)

    T - Z:

    A Tale Of Two Sisters (2003) // Tenebre (1982) // TerrorVision (1986) // Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989) // The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) // The Thing (1982) // The Thing From Another World (1951) // Thriller: A Cruel Picture (1974) // Tombs Of The Blind Dead (1972) // Torso (1973) // Tourist Trap (1979) // The Toxic Avenger (1984) // Triangle (2009) // Troll 2 (1990) // Twisted Nerve (1968) // The Uninvited (1944) // The Untold Story (1993) // Vampyr (1932) // The Vanishing (1988) // Videodrome (1983)  // A Virgin Among The Living Dead (1973) // White Zombie (1932) // The Witches (1966) // The Wizard Of Gore (1970) // Wolf Creek (2005) // The Wolf Man (1941) // Zombie (1979)

    Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed

    Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning

     
  6. movie:

    Scary/Horror Movies You Can Watch On YouTube

    Indestructible Man (1956)

    I Bury The Living (1958)

    The City Of The Dead (1960)

    The House That Screamed (1969)

    The Corpse Grinders (1971)

    Let’s Scare Jessica To Death (1971)

    Snake People (1971)

    Satan’s School for Girls (1973)

    Horror High (1974)

    The Omen (1976)

    Halloween (1978)

    The Redeemer (1978)

    The Children (1980)

    DON’T Go In The House (1980)

    The Unseen (1980)

    Just Before Dawn (1981)

    Nightmare (1981)

    Mutant (1982)

    Nightbeast (1982)

    Trapped (1982)

    Unhinged (1982)

    The Keep (1983)

    Sweet 16 (1983)

    The Alchemist (1983)

    A Blade in The Dark (1983)

    The House on Sorority Row (1983)

    Invitation to Hell (1984)

    Blackout (1985)

    Spookies (1986)

    Twisted (1986)

    Dolls (1987)

    The Curse (1987)

    Hellraiser (1987)

    Iced (1988)

    Watchers (1988)

    Hack-O-Lantern (1988)

    The Deceivers (1988)

    Clownhouse (1989)

    Freakshow (1989)

    The Woman in Black (1989)

    The China Lake Murders (1990)

    Spontaneous Combustion (1990)

    Lord Of The Flies (1990)

    Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor (1990)

    There’s Nothing Out There (1990)

    The Runestone (1991)

    Dr Giggles (1992)

    Fraternity Demon (1992)

    Netherworld (1992)

    Citizen X (1995)

    Death Machine (1995)

    Evil Ed (1995)

    Sometimes They Come Back Again (1996)

    Victim of the Haunt (1996)

    Death Mask (1998)

    Decampitated (1998)

    Viewer Discretion Advised (1998)

    Komodo (1999)

    Dog Soldiers (2002)

    The Rats (2002)

    The Bone Snatcher (2003)

    Malevolence (2004)

    The Village (2004)

    The Crazies (2010)

    ATM (2012)

    Flight Of The Living Dead: Zombies On A Plane (2012)

    Proxy (2013)

    The Monkey’s Paw (2013)

    If you like this list of scary/horror movies you can watch on YouTube, follow movie.tumblr.com for more like it!

    (via lifehackable)

     

  7. Scar (2007)

    A woman who escaped from and killed a deranged murderer is forced to relive it all again when a new batch of teenagers go missing.

    *Sigh* It’s torture porn. Not to a “Hostel” degree (I don’t think, I haven’t seen them), but there’s many, many, MANY flashes to the main character’s time getting touched, cut, stapled, etc. It’s a little hard to watch, even for a movie buff like me.

    And the original killer is so over-the-top, I’m not convinced he hasn’t been a cartoon villain at some point in his career.

    And there’s the cliche “Police are so terrible at their jobs, it could be based on real life”.

    "There! The killer went that way!"
    Police: “What? No, we’re not going to look in that direction at all costs to spite you.”

    That’s another thing. This woman went through a horrible ordeal; everyone knows it, but the police are like “Hey, what’s the big deal, it’s just some kids getting killed.” while she is clearly having flashbacks and it utterly upset at the museum dedicated to the murderer located in the funeral home.

    "This is sick, and a horrible way to remember victims!"
    Police: “Hey, control yourself, you’re acting crazy!”

    The blood is gratuitous to an almost comical level, especially when it spurts.

    On the plus side, it shows the trauma that we don’t see in victims after horror movies end. Even the girl from “Scream” was like “Yeah, it happened, oh well, I got a book out of it. Oh it’s happening again? Shit…”

    The woman’s trauma-flashbacks are also the movie’s-flashbacks, so we see what she went through and how it’s still affecting her 26 years after.

    And if you think you know who the killer is; you’re right. If you were wrong, you must have never seen a horror movie in your life.

    Doctor Nickk prescribes: If you don’t like torture porn, then don’t go near this movie. It’s not even scary, just nasty. As a whole it’s not recommended and I don’t know what I would prescribe in its place. Maybe one of the first few “Saw” movies? At least there was a story within that you don’t see coming from a mile away.

     

  8. Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

    Freddy’s back, looking to slaughter more teenagers. But, for some reason, he’s trying to possess the new kid in town so he can manifest himself in the real world.

    And he succeeds, leading to some fantastic-looking, if cheesy-in-an-Eighties-way effects.

    My biggest bother (not complaint) is the lack of continuity. How does Freddy have all this power outside of dreams? BUT! I will ignore it because it adds a new element to Freddy’s story, and I know that I complain a lot that horror movies tend to not add anything new and tread the some ground.

    My diagnosis: Not as crazy and unnerving as the original, but if you like seeing teens die in unusual ways and want to see some cool effects, as well as some blatant homoerotic symbolism (Played out perfectly by a wonderful actor, by the way!) in your horror, then “Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge” may be for you!

     

  9. Antisocial (2013)

    On New Year’s Eve, a group of friends’ party gets derailed when an epidemic turns people who use a social media site into rage-zombies.

    If you think it sounds like Stephen King’s “Cell”, you’re on the right track. Rage-zombies, evils of technology, psychic connections between the monsters.

    Then there’s the muddled villains. People who use the social media site get some kind of tumor that makes them attack everyone. Aaaand it brings them back from the dead. Okay, that’s fine, it’s nothing new. But it somehow also posts to their accounts after they die, and continues to stream video… from their points of view.

    Wut.

    In all, it really lacks in the horror department, but it’s a good low-budget movie with some well-done effects and actually leaves me interested in seeing more (If also annoyed that it didn’t just end and not stop on a cliffhanger).

    Also, the movie understands technology and social media more than most movies do.

    My diagnosis:

    Looking for a good movie to play in the background while you doing something else, only to glance occasionally at it, go “Oh, that person died?” and go back to your life? Then try “Antisocial” today.

     

  10. Blood Glacier (2013)

    image

    A group of researchers find a red glacier with organisms that cause hybrid mutations. As usual, they are not friendly. Some really cool monsters and a few great deaths don’t quite make up for the lack of character buildup. Low expectations will help the enjoyability of this movie.

    My diagnosis:

    Do you like original, creepy monsters that aren’t 100% CG? Are you suffering from “Not enough blood”-porosis?

    If you don’t care much about main characters and love “The monsters are inside your body” terror, then “Blood Glacier” may be right for you!